One Beautiful Christmas Morning
by The Rightful King of Asgard
Summary: Pepper and Tony get into a fight and she leaves him to spend Christmas alone in Stark Tower... until the rest of the Avengers show up. (Crack fic) Please review.


One beautiful Christmas morning...

"Another stuffed rabbit, Tony?"

"No! This one's a bear."

Awkward silence followed as Tony smiled way too wide for his face.

"Not buying it."

"Come on, Pepper!"

"You are so immature sometimes. I'm going to spend Christmas with my family."

"Pepper-"

"I mean it, Tony!" She slammed the door. So maybe it wasn't a beautiful Christmas after all. But at least Tony got to stay inside and had to house to himself to do what he wanted... but that didn't happen. So by 10 o'clock, Tony was watching old Christmas shows. And that's when the Cap came in, holding a basket.

"Knock, knock!"

"What are you doing in my house?! Jarvis, I told you not to let anyone in!"

"Isn't this a patriotic Christmas?" Cap smiled. Tony rolled his eyes.

"This isn't 4th of July, Steve."

"I know, but every day should be patriotic! It IS America after all."

So Tony's day wasn't going very well. Turned out Cap hadn't seen Rudolph. (It was a few decades before his time) so he stayed to watch. Then came Hawkeye.

"Jarvis, stop letting people into my house without permission!" Tony yelled. The Cap spoke up, "But it IS Avengers tower."

"No, it's not! It's Stark tower!"

"Not anymore. You signed the contract to join the team and it clearly stated that we could come into your house whenever we wanted."

"But not on _Christmas!_"

"You wanted to be alone on Christmas?" the Cap pouted.

"Yes, actually. I- hey! What are you doing?!"

Hawkeye had gone upstairs and perched next to the railing, looking over.

"Caw, caw!"

"Get down from there!"

(Silence...)

"Caw, caw!"

"This is ridiculous!" Tony muttered. Then came Thor.

"May the merriest of Christmases be bestowed upon you and your house, Man of Iron!" He shouted.

"This isn't Shakespeare, you know. And what are you doing here? You're supposed to be ruling Narnia!"

"I have come bearing presents to bring great joy to my fellow Avengers!"

"Well, you can just..."

"For you, Man of Iron!" He shoved a present into Tony, knocking the wind out of him.

"And to you, great Captain of America!" He handed a similar box to him. The Cap nearly squealed with delight.

"I have something for you too! Hold on!" Cap said. Tony managed to catch his breath.

"What the-"

"Homemaid jams and an assortment of baked goods!" Cap puled jars of jam and little containers of baked goods out of his basket. "Some for everyone!" By this point, Tony had opened his present. He pulled out a rainbow scarf.

"That represents the bridge between our worlds!" Thor explained. Tony dropped it back into the box.

"Gay."

Cap got a pair of star-spangled mittens.

"Just what I've always wanted! How did you know?" He looked like he was about to cry.

"Okay, that's it. All you freeloaders out of my house!" Tony yelled.

"But we haven't finished Rudolph yet." Cap protested.

"Caw, caw!" Hawkeye agreed.

"What is this Rudolph? I must know!" Thor demanded.

"I'll turn it back on!" Cap happily exclaimed.

"Caw, caw!"

"OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Tony screamed. Then Black Widow walked in. "Except you. You can stay." Black Widow rolled her eyes.

"I just want to know why the guy who tried to destroy New York is tied up in your hallway with a melted snowcone."

"THOR!"

"It is dear brother's Christmas gift! A day with me! We ate snowcones and I took him to a pony ride and..."

"You brought him to my house?!"

"Why of course! I had to bring presents!" Thor went and dragged Loki in. The snowcone was dripping onto Tony's clean floor and Loki was muzzled, but I don't think he wanted to eat it anyway. Thor had obviously made him a sweater, because Tony seriously doubted Loki would have chose to wear that hideous thing.

"Have some baked goods!" Cap said cheerfully, handing baked goods to Loki.

"Caw, caw!"

"This is ridiculous!" Tony yelled.

"RWARRWAWR!"

"...What was that?"

"Large green one has arrived! Now we're all here!" Thor exclaimed.

"That is NOT coming in MY house!"

It did.

"When you return to your mortal form, I have a sweater for you!" Thor called up to Hulk.

"And baked goods!" Cap chimed in.

"Enough with the baked goods, Cap!" Tony yelled. All was silent. Cap's lower lip trembled.

"What hath thou done to the good captain?!" Thor roared, becoming enraged. The Hulk was angry too and picked Tony up, crushing him in his hand and roaring in his face.

"Caw, caw!" Hawkeye cawed. Loki threw his snowcone on the floor and stomped on it, flailing his arms and trying to speak in the muzzle. Everyone became quiet and stopped to stare it him. Hulk grinned.

"Puny god."

Loki's eyes went wide and he ran for his life, Hulk close behind. At least Tony was free.

"Okay. No one is watching Rudolph. Everyone out!" He demanded.

"But why would you spend Christmas alone when you could spend it with friends?" Cap asked, giving the saddest puppy dog eyes ever. Tony sighed. The puppy eyes were irresistible. Long story short, Tony found himself making Christmas dinner for the whole deranged team. Cap shyly placed the baked goods on the table, remembering how he'd gotten yelled at last time.

"Does... I mean, if anyone wants baked goods. They're here."

"Thank you, Steve." Black Widow said, taking some baked goods. (She hadn't gotten any through all the confusion.)

"After we're done, we have to show Steve and Thor 'Frosty the Snowman'. It's me and Clint's favorite." She said.

"Caw, caw!" Hawkeye agreed.

"Alright. I think I own it. I'll head up to the attic and see if I can find it." Tony said, less than pleased, but figured he might as well just deal with it at this point.

After dinner, he headed up to the attic and began rummaging through boxes. Cap came wandering in.

"Thank you for having the team over for Christmas."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. It's not like it was my choice." Tony mumbled.

"Well, it's just... I haven't had many friends in this century so far and I didn't know who I was going to spend Christmas with, so... thanks for not kicking me out."

"Sure. No problem, Cap." Tony said, not meaning it. Cap believed him though and smiled, happy to have friends who cared. Suddenly, the box in the corner fell over and a scuffle of feet on the floor was heard.

"Who's there?!" Tony demanded. He marched over to the box, preparing to call for his suit. He didn't need it. Loki sat in the corner, hiding behind the boxes. He looked terrified. Tony remembered that he was still running from the Hulk.

"Come out, Loki. I'll keep the Hulk away from you." Tony said, not pleased with another thing to worry about, but he didn't want to leave Loki cowering in his attic alone and terrified... plus it was kinda creepy.

"I found it!" Cap exclaimed. Tony looked over and saw him holding up a copy of Frosty the Snowman.

"Great! ….I don't have VCR." So that kinda failed. Cap pouted and next thing Tony knew they were at the thrift store, purchasing a VCR.

"This is a wonderful way to spend Christmas." Tony muttered. Suddenly a cloaked figure came out of no where and cuffed his hands. Tony struggled to push the button on his wrist that called the suit to him. And then he heard laughter.

"Man of Iron, I can't believe you fell for such a frivolous trick!"

"Thor! What the heck, man?!"

"Is it not a glorious cloak? I must have it!" Thor stood there, seeming to be waiting. Tony looked at him confused.

"I said, I must have this cloak on this fine Christmas. If only someone would purchase the item, it would bring great joy to me for the rest of my days." Thor hinted. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Thor, I'm not buying the cloak."

"But I hath already bonded with it! And I have not a shilling of money! I will not be parted with this cloak! If necessary, I will stay in the thrift shop for the rest of my immortal life! Until the earth rots away and only I and the cloak remain! I-"

"Alright! I'll buy you the cloak! Just shut up!"

"Thank you, Man of Iron. I am most grateful for your kind services."

"Sure. Whatever." Tony rolled his eyes, taking the cloak to the check out. But then he heard something squeaking behind him.

"Isn't it great?" Cap exclaimed, dragging some probably hundred year old wooden frog on wheels behind him. It bobbed up and down, squeaking annoyingly.

"That's wonderful, Cap." Tony said, not at all meaning it. Suddenly, a terrible thing happened. Hulk tried to come into the store.

"Oh no! If he realizes he can't get in, he'll become enraged and kill us all!"

"Tony, you have to distract him!"

"Me? Why me? I didn't want to come here in the first place!"

"Hurry, before he destroys the place!" So Tony found himself buying the Hulk a froyo so that they wouldn't all die. Froyos are expensive. A Hulk sized froyo... well, you might as well buy a car for the price. When he came out of the froyo place and gave the yogurt to the Hulk, he saw that Black Widow had found a VCR and was buying it.

"Okay. Now we have to find everyone else." This took a long time. Hawkeye had climbed up into one of the ceiling tiles in the bathroom and was yelling, "Caw, caw!" again. That's how they found him. Thor was the creepy guy in the hooded cloak who walked in the shadows. That really unnerved Tony a bit. Cap was easy to find because of the squeaky frog he dragged behind him. He had his arms full of vintage crap though, claiming it reminded him of the 40s. Tony just rolled his eyes and told Cap he'd only buy him 3 things. Tony was annoyed that no one else brought money, expecting rich Tony to buy things for them for Christmas. Cap chose the frog, a wooden firetruck and Tony turned around just too late to warn the Cap that putting hats from the thrift store on your head is a bad idea. Cap bought the hat anyway and everyone stayed as far away from it as they could. They were still missing Loki.

"Thor, where's your brother?"

"I let him loose so he could shop too."

"Thor! You can't just let a terrorist run free! Great! He's probably 100 miles from here already!" Tony complained, not looking forward to having to save the world now too. Thankfully, he didn't have to. Loki was crouched in a corner, still muzzled, curled up with his arms wrapped around his knees, staring at one of those little birds that bobs up and down to look like it's drinking. Tony tried to pull him away, but he struggled, crying out and reaching back towards the bird. Loki was so frantic that finally Tony just bought the bird for him. Loki snatched it away from Tony and glared at him as though he had hurt the plastic bird.

"You're welcome." Tony muttered, not even sure why he was buying everyone these stupid Christmas presents. They all headed back to Stark Tower. Then Black Widow found out that Hawkeye had stolen gum.

"Clint! You head back to the store and put the gum back right now!" Clint sprouted wings and flew up to perch on a ledge.

"What just happened?" Tony asked, horrified.

"He does that sometimes." Black Widow said as though it were the most normal thing in the world. Tony shrugged. They were superheroes. They'd seen weirder. The Avengers tried, but couldn't get Clint down from the ledge, so they just left him up there with his gum. Finally, they could watch Frosty the Snowman.

"This VCR better work!" Tony growled, extremely annoyed with all the trouble they had to go through just to watch Frosty. But in the end, it was worth it. There were laughs, there were tears, there were smiles and there was singing. Yeah, Thor was the one who insisted on singing along to all the songs... even though he didn't know them. That was disastrous. Captain America only exclaimed over and over, "What a classic! What a classic!", practically worshiping the movie. The Hulk cried with joy at the ending. Even Hawkeye seemed to enjoy it from the ledge where he was perched. Unfortunately, for Loki, it hit a bit too close to home. And it didn't help that Thor kept calling him Frosty and singing the song, replacing the word 'snowman' with 'frost giant'. Loki went back to Tony's attic with his bird, which Tony wasn't too pleased about. Hawkeye was still overjoyed from seeing his favorite movie. He "caw, caw"ed excitedly, but leaned too far over the edge, fell and there was a terrible sound of the snapping of bones.

"NOW you choose not to use your wings?!" Tony yelled, as they all ran to him.

The rest of Christmas was spent at the hospital. At least they caught a rerun of Rudolph on the TV in Hawkeye's room. Cap praised the movie again, and exclaimed how wonderful it was. Loki was still mad because now Thor was calling him Rudolph and comparing his horns to the reindeer. But when Thor sang again, all anger was forgotten. The Hulk became human again and all the Avengers began to sing along, the whole team united, to the song _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer_. And in those moments, those moments of true happiness when everyone sang along out of key, fumbling over the words to the famous Christmas song, in those moments, miracles happen.

Unfortunately, they didn't this time.

_In memory of Clint Barton. Gone too soon._


End file.
